a girl and her journal

a quest made by walking

"Walking opens us up. It feeds us. Image by image, it spoons up for us a broth or soup of soul food, which sustains us as we do the work necessary to shape and reshape our lives."
-- Julia Cameron, Vein of Gold

I'm becoming addicted to walking.

What started as a lark, a way to spend an afternoon and try my hand at taking pictures, has turned into a craving, a simple, stubborn need to get out there where the sky is blue, the grass is green and uncut, and walk. I am powerless against it, now bending to its will.

This may all seem nice and normal, but for me, it's been a struggle to get to this place. For the last four years or so, my various physical ailments have largely held me back from living a somewhat normal life. Constantly tired, needing naps in the afternoon, not being able to stay out late -- these things turned day and night into nothing more than a stage play I caught bits of between bouts of sleep. When awake, pains kept me immobile. For awhile, in the darker days, I rarely walked anywhere; I became trapped in my own house.

If you want proof of the healing powers of art, here I am. Art, joy, creativity, personal exploration -- I have been digging for four years, often through tears, to find a solution, a "fix." That magic solution that would heal all my woes. Nothing came easily, but now, for the first time, as I sit here, ready to go for my walk, I feel fantastic. Yes, I still have pain. But it's so small....we've become friends over the years, and I feel that we've reached an understanding.

*laughs* This post is going somewhere different than I planned. These things happen!

This will be my 102nd post on this blog. That's quite an accomplishment! And I need to say this: that having this blog, putting my art and words out there, meeting amazing people -- this has contributed greatly to my newfound health and happiness. Each one of you have given me a precious gift that I won't squander or waste. I am just so thankful. When I started, I had no idea how far I'd go....and look where i am! It shocks and amazes me every day, and sometimes, I feel like pinching myself.

I had dreams, back in college. Not one has come true. Perhaps what they say is true, that you never know what you need, only what you want. I think the biggest thing I've gotten back is FAITH. I'd lost it so long ago....to have it back....WOW!

*G*

I've a huge stack of papers, here, articles and art for the next issue of the 'zine. And the weather's beautiful outside. I believe a walk is in order. I leave you with images from Sunday's walk, all taken with my Polaroid camera.

infinity lies beyond the bend

mish-mosh talky talk

Am I the only one who gets that eeeeeeck nails-on-chalkboard feeling when art journaling is compared to scrapbooking?

I can understand the connection when made by people who don't know about it. But saying they're alike is like putting "White Chicks" and "Citizen Kane" in the same category simply because they're both on film.

I don't know why it is. Just the cute layouts with the die-cuts and brads and papers and such.....it feels so flat. Yes, memories are preserved, but that's it. There's little soul. And of course, this doesn't apply to ALL scrapbook pages -- I've seen some AMAZING stuff out there that DOES speak. But on a whole....

I just read over on Journal Revolution the message from a scrapbooker -- go over and read it. I think that message clearly illustrates the differences between art journalers and scrapbookers. We use EVERYTHING, work from our souls, and aim for self-discovery. They work to preserve memories for many years to come. One is not better than the other, just DIFFERENT.

Half the stuff in my journals is going to yellow and break and such. But that's part of the awesomeness of the journal -- nothing is permanent. 'Tis the nature of life.

When I started art journaling, I had NO IDEA what I was doing. My father's a printer, and has been for over 30 years -- much of my knowledge of all that stuff comes from him. So when I wanted to glue things down flat, without the goopy white glue mess, I got rubber cement. It worked awesomely. Things stayed down. There was no mess. Go outside the edges? Rub it off! Things were flat and pretty and, yes, I do like the smell. I also like the smell of gas. HAHA. Toxic stuff come my way! *laughs*

Imagine my surprise when I read in one of the first books on mixed-media I got that rubber cement looses it's glue power AND yellows over time. I was like, "OMG, I can't use it anymore!" So I stopped. Got gel medium. And double-sided tape (mmmmmmmm I love it!).

Typing that out, maybe I SHOULD go get some more! I loved it! It works so well! Who cares if it's against the rules? HECK. I'm gonna go get some today and use it and if it falls apart in 10 years, oh well!

Are there any rules YOU could break today?

tiny green buds where before there were none

This is my Spring.

Last week, I got my Spirit Cards read. A little-known fact: I am 1/8th Siksika (Blackfoot), and find myself drawn to nature and the tales of Native Americans. It feels...right. Anyway, these Spirit Cards are Native American and were read by a friend who's part Native, too, and has been reading these cards for about twenty years. A lot of what she said brought images to mind, one of which was that, "This is your springtime...you're getting ready to bloom." One thing I've noticed since I began healing myself, other than my heath improving so much that people are really noticing, is that things are aligning for me in the universe. Since this journal is where I am beginning to see the tiny green shoots poking through dark soil, I felt part of my friend's words should be on the cover.

It's made from felt and fabric. I embroidered the words in some unbleached muslin; it took the longest! I'm not very good at embroidery...I'm totally self taught...so much so I "invented" my stitches. It still was a blast to made, though! And the eyelets in the corners... *giggles* I'm just tickled pink!

Left: Me, mid-embroidery.

 

Mad-Dash Journaling.

I haven't been journaling lately....who knows why? Sometimes, you just need to go with the flow and accept that NOT doing an activity is just as valuable as doing it. This might sound odd, but it's true. You see, when I'm NOT journaling, I'm taking photos, reading, walking in the woods, playing with the dogs. All these activities feed my soul and become part of me. We are ever-changing creatures, and every experience we have changes us -- I am not the same person I was 10 minutes ago, and in an hour, I'll be different than I am now. My break allowed me to soak in inspiration, open my mind to changes in who and what I am.

If you've been reading, you know I've been going through some sort of spiritual journey. It's opened the world up to me, allowing me to see things differently. All of this input has been rattling around in my head until yesterday, it just had to get out. 

I didn't do much, and went out only to grab some new paint markers, fabric, and felt. The rest of the day was spent with my nose in my journal. Doodling and drawing and making dots -- I kept working on the yellow page here well past the point I'd usually stop....More and more and more and MORE!!! I colored and added more color and kept going and lines and omg, can you see how I just was charged, just couldn't help myself? *laughs* After I finish this entry, I'm going to go back to work....on my pages!!! Sorry that I'm only showing a bit...but near 'zine time, I like to save my pages for that...that way, the newest stuff's in the 'zine and reflects the most-current me. ;)

One of the things I've noticed is that I'm doing two things:

A. Moving around a lot,

That means, I'll doodle somewhere, and then flip the page and doodle elsewhere. Or draw. Or write. Or glue something down. Or paint. Well, I haven't really painted much as I pre-painted a bunch of pages....which reminds me, I have to do that again so I've got more places to play! But yeah. Unlike life, my journal is not linear.

B. Working piece by piece.

My pages are coming together after several small sittings. The page on the right down there (sorry you can't see all of it...it's still in progress!) started with paint. Then the drawing in pencil. Then the writing. Then the coloring of the girl. And it's FAR from done. On the left, there was the background, then the bird, then the cut out in the middle, then waves. Swirls. And the words ALSO came in seperate sittings. I mean that I don't sit down and work start to finish in one sitting. I'm LIVING in between. I might sit and doodle, but then I'm making lunch or playing fetch or napping or writing. Even going to work! I've found things are more unpredictable and easier to push the envelope, so to speak, than working through it at once.

Kira Workshop.

I'll be "teaching" a workshop this June through my mailing list, JournalGirl. I'm so excited to be doing this, and might start sooner....I'm creating, lesson by lesson, a journal for you all that will hopefully be useful to you after the class is over. I've wanted to teach for awhile, now, and figure if I can't do it in person, I'll do it online! Sometimes, you've got to just go out there and DO it. And, if I want to teach workshops in person, I'll have something together already -- as SARK says, make it REAL, and the rest will follow.

And Finally....New Amy Butler & K&Co. Stuff!!

OMG! Look!!! There's a new collection for K&Co. by Amy Butler. I wish I could have bought it all. Not only is it ROCKING AWESOME, but it's eco-friendly; the packaging is recycled and can be recycled! This picture only shows you a bit of the 88 die-cut pieces in this collection. They're all awesome, beautiful, and I'm giddy just thinking of all the stuff I'll get to use. It was only $5 for this whole thing. There's also beautiful fabric tags, alphabets, brads.....awwwwww......Run, don't walk, to your local Michael's and check it out!!

I'm here!

Woe. I've been neglectful for a bit, haven't I? So sorry. I've been working on some projects here in KiraLand and never thought that maybe all you would like to see them. So, tell me:

What do you want to see?

While I read blogs myself, I look for different things than other people. What is it you look for in a blog? What would you like to see? I'm just curious, myself, as to what others are thinking.

One of these days, I'm going to get the two (yes, 2!) videos I've filmed done and posted. I swear. The 'zine's sucking up my time, but I'm having a blast. It's going to be at least twice as long as the first two!

Know I am here, adore you all, and will always answer an email.

<3 Kira

Custom Banners Now Available!

Wheee! New layout!

I'm REALLY happy with this banner; it's a completely digital collage using my artwork, photos, and some scans. I haven't really toyed like this in Photoshop for awhile, but man, is it fun!

Now, if only my journal pages came out this well!

And in news: I am now available to design blog banners/headers!

Feel free to visit my gallery of past headers to get an idea of what I can do. I'll have a more professional site up soon, but wanted to give my darling visitors the news first -- email me or comment and I'll give you all the details. I'll even install your banner -- better yet, I can make you a layout, if you'd like. So, if you're in need of a new header/banner, let me know! Price is dependent on what you'd like done, but it won't break the bank -- promise.

Ta! Am off to sew. And write the 'zine~~~!

a prairie adventure

We aren't called the Prairie State for nothing.

Today, I went on an adventure.

It's been awhile since I last went into nature, last glanced upon the natural beauty of this world without a windshield in the way. With the weather finally warm, I decided to grab my camera and hike through the woods and prairie near my home in northern Illinois.

I've missed it so! The sky was no longer cluttered with dark clouds, with overcast skies bringing doom and gloom. While I brought my journal with, I found using photos to document how I was feeling was much more exciting. Unknown. I adore taking pictures but have never considered myself very good at it!

So, my thoughts dictated where my camera was pointed. The woods, no longer viewed with an objective eye -- a tree is a tree, a path was a path --  trees clanking together became natural wind chimes. Paths winding from view were metaphors for my life at the moment, as were the splits in the paths. Bridges were faith, the hand of Goddess helping me along the way. Those thoughts clouding my mind the most became crystal clear on a digital display.

Consider the detour, the path off the beaten track. Only a few venture down here, and yet, I found the best mirror for my life on this tiny trail. Gone was the gravel of the way taken by many; wood chips gave way to wild forest instead of manicured grass meant for four-legged companions. And farther down, several wooden "bridges" helped one over the craggy marsh-like depressions of drying river fingers. A wetland and wood living together. Faith. Faith will help you cross the rough patches with grace and ease.

You just need to take the first step. It is the hardest.

After 1.8 miles, a length I haven't hiked in many, many years (bad hip, knees, feet, ankles....), I lay on the grass and took a break.

Remember: you ARE one with all. Springy like the grass. Light like the wind. Wild like the weeds. Need energy? Bounce on tall grasses, pet a dog, smile at the wonderful symphony of frogs. Get out there. Walk. It clears your head, refills the well, helps you along.

Tomorrow, I plan to journal my hike. Stay tuned!

My Womanfesto

The last few days have been filled with rain.

Storms, in my world, are welcome. Lightning flashing through the blinds casts odd, sharp shadows across the walls as I huddle under the blankets of my bed -- my safe place. Since childhood, my bed has been "base," has been the one place in the world where nothing can get me, harm me, seek me, influence me. As I write, I've forsaken the convince of my desk for the comfort of my bed.

But the thunder is long gone, the lightning's job finished. Shadows have retreated to their own holes in the fabric of a subjective reality. The rain remains. It falls in sheets, pelting the windows in steady staccato, a cadence to the arrival of spring.

Rain brings with it pain. As pressure builds, joints ache, heads become squeezed, fingers shaky. It has been days of medicine and aching and tears -- my own rain, added to the mix. Perhaps we are all crying, in our own ways.

Staying in means inner exploration. And I wrote my Womanfesto.

A manifesto is a public declaration of the purpose, principles, or plan of action of a group or individual.

I have felt trapped by grammar. I am not a man, I would not label MY declaration as that made from a male perspective. I am a woman -- a strong, independent, caring woman of the Earth. That in itself is part of my declaration. I'd shout from the highest mountains if I could.

My journal is my Womanfesto. It is my purpose, it holds my internal debates, finds the truth, plans my life, seeks miracles, mends the soul. It is the place where I spill from a broken human body, where disease and pain don't exist. In my journal, color dances where the world is gray. Images bring meaning. Dreams are born from the fog of the unconscious.

Declare yourself. Be bold. Shout, cry, laugh. Discover who you are, who you want to be. Tell the world all those things you hold back because they might not be "right" or accepted. Say dangerous things. Confess secrets that are eating away at your soul. Be you.

Your journal is your friend, your companion, your guidebook on this journey known as life. I think it's time to stop treating them as places of art or thoughtful composition and be messy. Imagine yourself in the sands of India -- would your guidebook still be perfect, pristine, and "correct?" Or would you be using what you could find, letting the sand get stuck in the spine? No more expensive tools. Pre-made objects. Or any of that stuff. It's getting in the way.

Here is my Womanfesto. I used a Sharpie I found at work and some gel pens in my purse. And I feel as though it's one of the most powerful pages I've ever done.

what is BRAVE?

The other day, a woman complimented my bright, shiny blue nail polish. "You're so brave to wear that," she said.

"My mother hates it."

"Well," she replied, "she's wrong."

I never considered wearing bright nail polish, or my odd layered fashion, or any of that BRAVE. It begs a re-evaluation of the question What is Brave? And how are we brave?

That same day, a little girl came to get some hot chocolate with her mother. She spoke very little and seemed shy. Her mother said, "She's painfully shy." I tried to be as nice as I could, and told her about how my best friend was shy when we were little, and I'm NOT, and I'd ask for cookies or anything for her. I consider that little girl BRAVE for coming up and ordering for herself.

How are YOU BRAVE?

A Contact FYI

Ack. Last weekend, my breaks went; apparently, whoever replaced them a few years ago didn't do it right, so they went MUCH earlier than they should have. The unexpected expense has drained me, so I can't pay to reinstate my journalgirl.com domain & email address.

You can ALWAYS find me at: http://samanthakira.typepad.com

And can ALWAYS email me at: kiraboshi [at] gmail.com

I won't be able to get the domain services back until Friday. If you've sent me something in the last two days via journalgirl.com, I ask that you please re-send to the above email.

Thanks!